Some great thoughts on how Step-Children view a blended family by Dr. Joe Brumfield
- My identity has been taken away.
- If one parent abandoned me—I have proof that the other might as well.
- I’d better fight for my place, or someone may take it away from me.
- I have lost any security that I had—everything is up for grabs now—I can count on nothing being the same!
- If I am kind to my new step-parent, I feel that I am being disloyal to my biological parent that was replaced.
- I almost feel that I must rebel or resent my present bio parent for what they did to my absent bio parent. Even if I don’t feel this way about my new step-parent, my loyalty to my absent parent demands that I stay aloof, keep my distance. I can’t let my new step parent be to me anything that my “real” parent was, because I would be betraying my “lost” parent.
- For me to accept new things, activities, love, is to say goodbye forever to the hope of the old, familiar, whole, unbroken family that I had. “I refuse to let go of my old memories of being loved by two parents who loved each other.”
- If they try to force me to accept this new reality as “my family” I will fight to hold on to the old—I will reject it! They can’t take away from me something that is part of my heart—the old family is a part of me, not just a part of them!
- I refuse to let my present bio-parent attack my absent bio-parent. I must support my parent who is not here to support themselves.