Some great thoughts on how Step-Children view a blended family by Dr. Joe Brumfield

  1. My identity has been taken away.
  1. If one parent abandoned me—I have proof that the other might as well.
  1. I’d better fight for my place, or someone may take it away from me.
  1. I have lost any security that I had—everything is up for grabs now—I can count on nothing being the same!
  1. If I am kind to my new step-parent, I feel that I am being disloyal to my biological parent that was replaced.
  1. I almost feel that I must rebel or resent my present bio parent for what they did to my absent bio parent. Even if I don’t feel this way about my new step-parent, my loyalty to my absent parent demands that I stay aloof, keep my distance. I can’t let my new step parent be to me anything that my “real” parent was, because I would be betraying my “lost” parent.
  1. For me to accept new things, activities, love, is to say goodbye forever to the hope of the old, familiar, whole, unbroken family that I had. “I refuse to let go of my old memories of being loved by two parents who loved each other.”
  1. If they try to force me to accept this new reality as “my family” I will fight to hold on to the old—I will reject it! They can’t take away from me something that is part of my heart—the old family is a part of me, not just a part of them!
  1. I refuse to let my present bio-parent attack my absent bio-parent. I must support my parent who is not here to support themselves.